3 months and forever loved...

Our sweet baby is three months old! Time is a funny thing. It feels like she has been with us and part of our family forever. It feels like these three months have simply flown by. It also feels like these have been a long three months. How does that work?

What is Kathryn up to? She is smiling, and talking, and chuckling(I haven't been able to capture it yet on video- dang!). She is aware of her surroundings, her hands, her brother and sister. She still doesn't like the bath, but doesn't mind being nude and dry. She likes to "clutch" things: my shirt, her blanket, anything she can find(We think it gives her comfort to have something in her hands.) She is pretty close to rolling over. She likes a change of scenery(If she fusses, I change her view point- that will tide her over for a bit). She wakes up once or twice a night. She eats a lot. She knows who her family is. Momma is her best friend.

Three months is significant to me. I left my two older babies and headed back into the workforce at around 3 months. It was not by choice. We had no other alternative when it came to costs of insurance and making ends met. Luckily Jeremy and I were able to work it out so we had the children in day care only a few hours a day, until he finally switched jobs and the kids went to daycare full time for about 6 more months(waiting three months for his benefits to kick in, and my needing to work thru year-end closing).

My heart broke as I headed into work thinking about those little smiles just starting to pop out for me. My heart ached as I sat in the security closet and hooked myself up to a breast pump to give my children the precious breast milk that would help to keep them healthy and keep me in demand as their caretaker. I was saddened with both children that I couldn't continue nursing to the one-year-mark that is claimed to be so important. I felt guilty when I grumbled about all the tasks and things I needed to do once I got home from work, wanting to just love my babies, wanting to just take a nap, not wanting to fulfill all of my responsibilities.

So, this three months is great for me. I get to see what my baby is like full-time after this point in her life. I am so grateful for a husband who understands how important this is to me. I am so grateful for the ability to budget, tighten the belt, and work things out so we can be sure our needs are met. I am grateful for healthy children who love me, despite how much I yell or turn on the TV and park them in front of it for my own selfish needs. I have so much. I hope I am thankful enough.