Thursday we took Kathryn in for her second VCUG- and hopefully her last. When we came around the corner to her little cubical in the children's surgical center at the Gerry Frank Center at St. V's and there was a new teddy bear and a sticker with her name on it waiting for her. She quickly introduced "pearly" to Elmo and had them kiss complete with kissy noises made by her. We changed her into her hospital provided PJ's, which were very soft and cuddly and waited for the nurse to come take vitals.
When we had the VCUG when she was 5 months old they took us directly back to the procedure. Since she is older and definitely in need of some help with her anxiety we choose to get her some versed. It worked wonders. Not only does Kathryn have anxiety in general with other women, she wasn't too comfortable in this setting. She knew something had to be up! She refused any vital taking. After the drugs got in her system(orally) 10 minutes later we were able to get her vitals taken to make sure she was OK for the procedure. She got pretty silly and laughed at a lot of things- especially Daddy- and the nurse didn't bother her one bit. We found out the nurse has a daughter named EllaKathryn. How cute is that?
The VCUG was a bummer- the meds calmed her, but she still felt pain. She still fussed the entire time(we tried to distract with an Elmo DVD, but it wasn't enough). You know how it feels when your baby gets a shot and they look at you with those eyes, wondering why you allowed someone to inflict pain on them? Try to do that for 40 minutes straight. I am thankful I was allowed to be in there with her. I did cry a bit with her too. Poor poor baby. Thankfully the drugs have an amnesia effect and she won't be remember any of this.
Back in her cubical she was able to relax and have a Popsicle. She was very happy for that, but very grumpy and clingy. And that is OK. After vitals again we were able to dress her, collect the results and head out to meet with her doctor. We had a little time in-between(not enough to get home and relax though)and Jeremy and I had strange visions of actually getting to go somewhere nice to eat, but our darling didn't want to get out of her car seat, so we settled for drive-thru, a drive out in the country, and headed back to the Doctor.
The Doctor said the reflux on the left side is actually improving, but the kidney is not growing. He is worried about the non-growth on this kidney and suggested we go ahead and do the surgery to correct the reflux to give us two things: 1-it might help the kidney start growing, 2- it will definitely keep her from having more infections and preserve and protect the state of her kidney at this point. He said we could wait another 6 months and see if the reflux improves anymore, but if it were his child, he would go ahead and take care of it. The good news is that this surgery is 99% successful. We would check by ultra sound a month after the surgery to make sure everything is OK. If it looks good we would check again in 6 months and again at 1 year. If it looked good at the 1 month mark she could go off the antibiotic treatment she has been on since last summer. We talked about another option that didn't sound as successful. Her right kidney hasn't changed much, but he isn't worried about it, since its only a level 2.
So we have a lot to think about and decide. I want to discuss with her pediatrician too. But mostly I just want a healthy baby. The thought we could be done with all this very soon is a relief. I just want to make sure I am making the right decision for her and for our family. When we do decide to go forward the Doctor schedules his surgeries out about a month.
I haven't discussed my feelings or emotions about her situation since her ultrasound the beginning of August. I would like to say I have been a strong woman with immovable faith and have little concern. But, as I am writing this story out for my posterity I want them to know I am afraid. When I found out Kathryn's kidney wasn't growing and it was in fact shrinking my heart broke. I know she is healthy and strong, but something inside of her isn't right, and its up to me, her mommy to make sure it gets fixed. The responsibility of that feels huge and back on August 2nd(the day of the ultrasound) it was huge and overwhelming to me. I have to say I am very thankful we discovered it quickly last summer as she was a baby. The funny thing is, as I tried not to talk about her issue and was putting on a brave front(and my way of doing that is denial), I found a few key people talking to me about it and helping me put into words my concerns and thoughts really did help. I am still quite anxious, but I feel better having the additional information and the expertise of the medical community.
I love this baby. Its an honor to be her mommy and I am thankful I get to take care of her. Thanks to so many of my friends and family who take care of me and the rest of my family so I can be my best.
4 comments:
And she is so lucky and blessed to have you as her mom!
She is indeed a very lucky little girl! I am so sorry that you all have to go through this yucky ordeal and hope it can be corrected and better soon! HUGS!
But you have been so positive and brave! And it's O.K. to feel scared. She is your baby. It sounds like you are all in very good and capable hands. I too hope that this will come to an end for you all soon. Poor baby girl having to feel all of that discomfort and YAY for modern medicine that will help her to forget:)
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Megan! I hope you get the answers you need and are able to get through this and be done with it all soon. You're right, how could those nurses not fall in love with such a cutie!?
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