The Night Before Baby....

Its the night before Baby. I am excited and anxious and I know I won't sleep much despite how drained I feel right now. I get to meet my little girl tomorrow- I get to meet my tiny creation- how thrilling is that?


I will admit I am disappointed I didn't go into labor on my own. I know I will get over it- the important thing is that my baby is born healthy and happy and I can enjoy the process. I know I will enjoy this experience as I enjoyed the others. Jeremy and I have been reflecting on the very special times we had together as a couple bringing new babies into this world. It feels like he and I are the only ones at that moment and we can enjoy our new little spirit together. Only Jeremy and I could make the babies we have made. We made them with love in our hearts and a desire to take our relationship to another level. In doing this, we have been challenged and tried, but also we have experienced our love grow deeper and have felt the blessings of "family". I know we will always remember these special experiences and remember them with the utmost sacredness that family deserves.


Today I had a few things on my list to do: a load of laundry, clean and vacuum the downstairs, take a shower, go to Target & The Dollar Tree to get last minute items, and take it easy. I am proud to say I did all these things, except not enough take it easy. I am very tired. I could have slept all day, maybe I should have. I have had a lot of well wishes and feel so very supported and can feel the friendship and love extended to me.


Today Leila has been talking non-stop about Kathryn. She LOVES her so much and is so excited to meet her. We planned a Birthday Party for her and will have it tomorrow in the hospital. Leila helped me put all of her little clothes away and was so sweet with her "Awwww, this one is so cute Mommy!" or "This one has a little yellow on it, maybe we shouldn't let her use it." She wants everything to be perfect for our little one. Its hard to believe 5 1/2 years ago she was the tiny one.


Nathan on the other hand has had just about enough of all this baby talk. I know he knows the tides are changing, but I also know he has no idea what this entails. Today we bought a puzzle at the dollar tree for the hospital. He wanted to work it once we got home and I told him we bought it for the hospital for when baby Kathryn joins us. He went off on me: "I hate the hospital. I hate tomorrow. I hate the baby. I don't want to wait." So he has had enough of the talking. Tomorrow he will realize the talk has ended and now he has to deal with reality. I couldn't help chuckling inside to his reaction, but on the outside I reminded him "hate" is a bad word in our house, and we are a family and he does not hate his baby sister.



I am nervous. I know everything will happen the way it is supposed to. I feel confident in my doctor, the nurses and the hospital. But childbirth is still a risky process. I am nervous because I have a family depending on me as Mom. What would happen to them if something happened to me? I received a fathers blessing and was promised this experience would be a good one, but deep inside is a primal fear of the "what if something goes wrong". I know it won't, but its a feeling I have to fight down as I watch and listen to my children play together(they played so well today!). I have to put it out of my mind when I see my husband caring for my children and I realize how much of a partnership we really have, especially raising these children. These sweet children need both of us to survive and thrive and learn and grow. I love them so much, I don't know what I would do if life as I know it changed.




All will be well. I am so grateful for the little family I have and the opportunity I have to be with them, grow with them, and experience this new life with them. What a lucky little girl to be accepted into a houseful of those that love her. That doesn't count all the extended family or friends that are all anticipating this sweet little girl.












Tomorrow! My Baby will finally be here TOMORROW! Yippee!