Club Sandwich Generation(A post about Alzheimer's)

I have been hearing about the "Sandwich Generation" for a while now.  A generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting their own children.  I was reading some materials online and found the term:  Club Sandwich Generation:  those in their 50s or 60s, sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren. OR those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.  This feels more like me and my situation(I am only in my 30's- yo!).  Plus I like bacon, and isn't bacon usually on a club?

Today I met with a social worker at my parents home to discuss how she can lend her support to our family, give an objective point of view and provide valuable resources to us in this time of my parents needs. My family needs help to evaluate my Dad's needs and where he is at in his current and upcoming stage of Alzheimer's. My Mom needs help to understand how she can best support him. She also needs help on how to get the help she needs to keep herself healthy and strong.

I sat with my 2 1/2 year old on my lap and looked across the room at my Mom in her rocker with her cute dog on her lap, and my sweet Dad on the couch next to her silently listening.  He would catch me looking at him and wink.  It made me smile.  Made me think of some level he knew we were trying to help him.  We love him so much.  We respect him and care about him so deeply.  I think to some degree I always knew I would be happy to help with my "aging" parents.  I just never expected to be helping with them while my children are so very young still.  This wasn't supposed to happen for another 20 years. 

Of course, my dismay is nothing compared the dismay my parents must be feeling.  They had many dreams and goals for after retirement that will never be achieved.  Their hearts definitely ache more than mine.  My mom has lost a huge part of her life; she has lost her companion and the dearest friend she has ever known. 

Its been an interesting process this summer.  My Mom and I met with an estate attorney so we can make sure we have all things financial in order in the event Dad needs to go into a home sooner rather than later(as the doc seems to think he will).  This attorney gave Mom valuable information on how to set up her will and affairs.  She let us  know specifics of the Oregon laws to better protect herself and her assets so she won't be a burden on the community when Dad's monthly housing costs will be very expensive.  This attorney also gave us a referral to the social worker we met with today.

We still have so much to go through.  The road in front of us is still very rocky and hard to see.  But there are days when I feel better prepared and that can help me feel calmer.  I have to take on Alzheimer's on a day-by-day basis-- sometimes an hour-by-hour basis and remember the Man inside my Dad.  He is still there somewhere.  And he raised me to love my family and others, no matter their disabilities.

To my friends who are my parents age(And I have many of you):  Please get regular check ups.  Don't let Alzheimer's slip in before its too  late.  They have drugs that can slow and virtually stop the progression if they can catch it early enough!  They find Alzheimer's on a brain scan such as an MRI.  I have a number of resources of doctors, attorney, and now social workers that I would be happy to share.

To my friends who have parents going through this, or starting to go through this:  You are not alone.  You have the ability to be a very big support person to your parents right now.  Keep an eye on the symptoms of Alzheimer's.  (http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_know_the_10_signs.asp)  And don't be afraid to voice your concerns to your parents.  Even if they get defensive, if you are doing it in love, how much can your parents really hold it against you?

To Friends of Friends who are going through this:  Just listen and love.  Even if you had a distant relative or even a grandparent, its not the same as a parent.  To loose a family member, but have to deal with them on a consistent basis in ways that are not charming or respectful, and sometimes abusive is extremely painful.  We need our friends just to love us.  You give us the strength and the fodder to keep smiling.