I am grieving for my Dad. I miss him. I miss his wise counsel. I miss his interesting conversations. I miss his humor. I miss his just always simply being there whenever I needed him.
I still have my Dad in arms reach, but he has changed. Alzheimer's is slowly taking him from us. His mind, once so intelligent and sharp, is now reverting to more childlike behavior and replacing the once easy going and good natured man to a difficult person to be around. He has good and bad days, and I get to experience many good days, but its still hard.
My heart breaks at watching the rest of my family deal with this disease. My sisters miss their Dad as much as I do. My Mom is holding up, but it isn't easy- she never has a moment without grief of loosing her life long partner and love. She shared with me some tender moments they have recently had together and I will start praying she has more of those.
My two older children love their Grandpa, but they have noticed the change and it scares them and makes them uncomfortable. But they are learning some interesting skills on how to deal with those that are different and push their boundaries. I just wish they didn't have to learn these skills from my Father.
My Baby, however, loves her Grandpa and sees him the way he is meant to be seen: He is fun, and playful, and adoring and safe. She can tease with him and she doesn't see the Man who is no longer is- she just sees him.
Honestly, my eyes are tearing up as I write. I am so grateful that My Dad is who he is. I am thankful I still have him and that he is teaching me, yet again, how to serve and love in a Christlike manner. His life, church activity and even his career was always about serving others. I know my Dad has done an amazing job in his life and has passed the tests the Lord has given him. He is now taking us on a journey to learn to serve and love and grow. And even though he knew this process would be painful, he knew it would also be worth it. I am prepared to go forth and help my friends who are loosing parents to this horrible disease. I now have an understanding to so many people who are feeling the pain of loosing someone they love, without actually saying goodbye.
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| Kathryn with her Grandpa. |
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| My parents after their wedding in SLC, Ut. 1968. |
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| 1984- In front of our house in SLC, Utah |