Nathan's view(through my camera)

When Nathan is getting antsy- I hand him my camera. I love seeing what he chooses to capture- and thankfully we don't waste any film. This was at the bus-stop on my Birthday. He took about 50- 15 of them where of the van and its tired. I posted the ones that made me laugh. The last one is the guy who usually waits at our bus -stop with us. The back of his shirt makes for interesting photography.

Not so alone...

Ugh! These blues! (that was my first title of this post- after I wrote it I can honestly say... I feel better)

I've been going through some rough times lately. A lot has been going on personally and I haven't been able to handle it very well. The blues have been visiting often and I have been feeling very lonely, very needy, and just plain sad. I feel like I have lost so much and have fallen so far from where I am used to being.

Why am I blogging about something so personal? Because I think a lot of people can relate to those sad moments. I think there are a lot of people out there dealing with the yuck of the world, but they do what I do- keep on going, keep on moving, keep on smiling. I try not to be negative. I try not to dwell on what is making me sad. I try not to talk about it.

I just want to say for the record my beautiful life is not perfect, but it is my life. And it is beautiful. I am blue and needy and lonely, but I am loved and supported. I have so much. In fact, when I am feeling this way, the guilt comes in waves because of how very much I do have- I shouldn't for one minute feel this way.

I had a friend who is able to see me from a different perspective tell me some very special things about myself. Things that embarrassed me a little, but made me feel good someone noticed. She reminded me that I have endured a lot of loss. I am dealing with a lot of sad and heartbreaking issues. She reminded me I am not alone:

While I have so many people in my life loving me, I still hurt. Yet when I am alone, I have my faith. So tonight I lift my face -with a smile- in gratitude - that I do know my living Father in Heaven, and his Son Jesus Christ- and they are aware of me and my pain.

I don't feel so alone.


D&C 68:6 Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.

A few of my favorite people

Our Angel Girl

Leila is just my sweet girl. I think I am amazed a little every day at how much she is growing up on me. She is so capable of so much. I really rely on her to help with the baby, keep peace with her brother, and just hang out and make me laugh.

My friend who has spent time giving service in Africa talks of the children who are raising children. Little girls around Leila's age are raising younger brothers and sisters because their mothers have passed away. Not only are they taking care of children while they are children, they are often in extreme need and poverty. I honestly can not imagine how stressful this is for them and feel so blessed I can provide and care for my children.

I used to look at her and think there was no way she could handle this kind of situation. While I don't think she is really capable of raising a family of her own at the tender age of 6 1/2 (that half year is very important to include), I realize she has the potential in her to care and love and make the world easier for others. Easier for her brother and sister, her friends and teachers, and especially her parents.

She has realized her role of comforter and caretaker and uses her abilities to smooth out my rough edges. She helps me be a better person. She is simply a blessing to have as my daughter.

Bad Words, Broken Glasses, Clastrophobia & Strep

Nathan had quite a week. I got a call the previous week about him using a bad word. I know what you are thinking: Your sweet angel boy? He used the K word. As in K for Kill. The teacher felt fully confident that my little monster was not going to do any killing in pre-K, BUT thought I should be aware. My kids are playing rough these days and very imaginative. I promise, they do not play Jeremy's mature video games that does entail some of the K word. He also wasn't helping clean up, so we sent a chart in with him this week to school so he can earn check marks on the days he helps clean. He can earn a check plus if he helps right away. He did pretty good. Not perfect, but who can expect perfection from a kid in pre-k?

On Wednesday Kathryn snapped his glasses in two. So Thursday he really didn't want to go to school because he thought the kids would laugh at him. I talked him into going just to say hi to the teacher. He was right- some of the kids laughed at him. But luckily his cooler than cool mom was there to play with the kids. And baby sister had a trail of at least three little girls at all times who were more than thrilled to play with an actual baby. We hung out for a while. It was all good.

That afternoon we had the cousins over to play. Nathan and Joseph were playing in his closet. When the boys are over and upstairs we are used to hearing bumps and screams. Nathan started screaming and I could tell at once he was serious. I ran up there. I couldn't hear Joseph and I had visions of blood and uncounciousness. Well, the were playing in the closet and knocked the door of the track. They couldn't open it up enough to get out and Nathan totally freaked out. Poor guy! He was really stressed. I have noticed when family will grab him and not let him move (In a playful way of course) he tends to freak out a bit, I just had not seen this fear on such an extreme level. By the way, Joseph was fine and was talking about cleaning up in there. Too bad we rescued them so quickly.

Thursday night I noticed a very subtle change in his behavior. So sweet. So subdued. I thought it was due to his exercise from his earlier trauma, OR maybe he is getting older and to an easier stage- right? He woke up Friday with a rager of a fever. He was bent on going to school because he had the show and tell bag! He couldn't wait to show everyone his precious transformer that always falls apart and mom and dad are sick of assembling for him. I talked him OUT of going to school this day and called him in sick. He layed in his bed all day watching DVD's- exerting no energy, eating and drinking next to nothing. On Saturday he had a rash on his stomach and chest. I am lucky to have a doctor who works, or one of her associates works, on Saturdays and we got him in. Yep- its strep! So after a few rounds of antibiotics we are in fine working order. None of the rest of us have seemed to come down with it- so that is a good thing!

Quite the week for Nathan boy. I learned a lot about my boy. I love him, even now that he feels better and is terrorizing the rest of us.

Kathryn Pictures

Here she is! Our big one year old! My friend Jen came out just days before giving birth to her second baby-- I was so glad. There are a few more pics posted on Jennifer Lynn Photography. I will post more after I get my CD with all of them.

http://jenniferlynnphotography.blogspot.com/2010/03/kathryn-turns-one.html

This is why two girls are so much fun to have...

Yes.. coordinating Easter Dresses!

Ponyo

I am just so excited about this movie I had to post on my blog to tell my friends all about it!

We are huge fans of Hayao Miyazaki and have most of his movies. The stories are intriguing, sweet, thoughtful, and always have good messages. The animation is beautiful. The main characters are strong and good. The voice talents are always very enjoyable as Disney spares no expense on casting.

We went and saw this limited release movie at the theatre after we sent Leila from Belgium home. The kids were sad they were loosing a big sister, so we made them feel better by splurging for a family outing. The baby was only 5 months old, so I missed some of the film to take her out to change. I nursed her during the film and fell asleep(Not because of the movie, I promise- I just have a hard time keeping my eyes open when a tiny person attached to me sleeps!). I am excited to watch it again with my kiddos.

Thank you AMY for sending me a link to a coupon! Its a $10 value- I got my copy at Target and spent only 9.99! (see bottom of the entry for your link).



From the Academy Award®-winning director and world-renowned Japanese animation legend Hayao Miyazaki comes PONYO, a story inspired by Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale "The Little Mermaid."

Already a box-office success in Japan, the story of a young and overeager goldfish named Ponyo (voiced by Noah Cyrus) and her quest to become human features an outstanding roster of voice talent, including CATE BLANCHETT, MATT DAMON, TINA FEY, FRANKIE JONAS, CLORIS LEACHMAN, LIAM NEESON, LILY TOMLIN and BETTY WHITE.

For a valuable coupon that is good thru March 10th
http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/disneymagicalsavings/?cmp=dmov_dvd_dmsave_url_ponyocoupon